I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
