i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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