P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
