Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
