dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so let's talk penis.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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