Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
