It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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