i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
