You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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