She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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