oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
