The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
