a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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