My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
