"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
