Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
