Pappa wants mamma naked
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
