david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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