whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
