U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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