dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
