that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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