i wish peter jackson would direct porn
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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