1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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