Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
