Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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