I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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