We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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