Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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