wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
