I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Randomize
