Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
