my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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