i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
