You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
