Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
