she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
