Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
