from now on my penis is your penis
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What drink are we having for lunch?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
