so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
