I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
