Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
