So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
