i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
