i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
