got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
