That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
