1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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