Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
