Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Are my feet made of real feet?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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