Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
